


The road ain't no place to start a family

by KitHourglass



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Guardian Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Hugging, M/M, young Sam and Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 11:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10333397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitHourglass/pseuds/KitHourglass
Summary: Castiel was Mary's guardian, and through her he learned to love humanity. After she dies, he protects her boys, and grows close to Sam.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the Journey song, Faithfully.

"Angels are watching over you." Castiel always smiled, wherever he was when he heard Mary Winchester say those words, and he does so now as she tucks her elder son into bed. What he doesn't know, is that this is the last time either he or Dean will ever hear her say those words. If he knew, he could stop it. If he knew, he could change it. If he remembered Mary Winchester making the deal to save her husband's life, a deal he could have stopped her from making, a deal he had tried to stop her from making. But the higher angels had intervened. 

"We do not interfere so much with our charges, Castiel. We do not save them from death, and we do not change their destiny." Naomi had told him in her office. "You have gotten too close to Mary and her sons. You should never have even visited her, and you will not change the plan that heaven has created. Angels do not love their charges. Mary and her children should have been nothing more then an assignment to you. I will take away your memory of her deal, and you will not be able to stop when her second son has the blood of demons fed to him." 

Castiel had surged up. "You can't do that. I'm supposed to protect them!" 

Naomi had shaken her head in mock sadness. "No. You are supposed to make sure they stay on their course of the life that has been dealt them. Which you have failed. Sadly, I lack the authority to change Mary and her sons guardian, unfortunately it has always been you. But I can make sure you do not remember this. Perhaps you will not screw up again." 

"No!" Castiel had cried out, but it was wiped from his mind. He did not remember the visit to Naomi, or Mary's deal. And thus when he senses her pain, senses Sam Winchester's tiny body being tainted, he arrives too late, only to see his change and friend burning on the ceiling, her husband and two sons outside, Sam forever changed. And he can't do a damn thing about it.

The only thing he can do is protect Sam and Dean Winchester as well as he is able. He knows there is something missing, something he doesn't know. But he will protect them, for Mary would want him to. Castiel will save Mary's sons from whatever they come across. 

 

Castiel visits at night, when the boys are asleep, and John is passed out on the floor or in the other bed. He is the one who rocks young Sam asleep when Dean cannot, for the boy has done enough, exhausted from taking care of his brother and trying to take care of his father, and he is only five years old. Sam does not understand he is in the arms of an angel, but he trusts Castiel, just as Dean does. Castiel tries not to show up while they are awake or can see him too much, he doesn't want them to think as they get older his isn't real, that they are crazy. That's why he spends more time with Sam, for Sam can't even talk yet, Sam won't remember Castiel. And Castiel must protect Sam from his demons, real and imagined.  
   
"Take care of my boys, Castiel." Mary had said when he found her in heaven, surrounded by memories of her boys and John. "Take care of John." 

"I will." He had replied. 

Better, he now hopes as he walks to the window, Sam held in his arms, then he took care of Mary. He failed her. He had been assigned as Mary's guardian angel before her birth. He hadn't known why, only that she was important, and to protect her.  Castiel hadn't cared then. He had been a perfect little soldier. He did what he was told. He was also younger then many of his siblings, though still millions of years old. He hadn't understood or cared about humans before Mary. 

There is a certain bond between guardian angel and human, and the first time Mary had scraped her knee at three, he accidently come down to her, feeling her pain. Her parents weren't there, they were hunting, only a careless baby sitter who was inside the house. Mary had sat down and cried. 

That was how Castiel had found her. "Why are you crying, child?" He had asked confused. "Why are you in pain? What can I do?" 

There must be some way to fix it, he had thought. He was supposed to protect her. "Hurts." She mumbled, before collapsing in his lap at the sight of a caring adult, or someone who looked like one. Castiel had healed her, and then played hopscotch with her. And thus how Cas' fall into humanity begun.

He had kept visiting her, and grew to love her dearly. When she was a teenager, he stopped visiting, let her live her life, but he watched over her. The other angels were disgusted that he cared so much about his human charge. It was not how things were done. But he loved Mary Winchester, and when her sons were born, he was bonded to them as well and loved them as much. And yet, Castiel thinks as he stares out the window, all that love didn't save her life. Didn't save Sam. The child coos softly in his sleep, and Castiel smiles down at him. "Alright, Sammy, back to your brother it is." He carries the boy back to the bed, and lays Sam beside Dean. He smooth's Dean's hair back from his head. "Sleep well, boys. There is an angel watching over you." and he will try his best

 

"When will they come back?" Sammy asks, turning from the TV to Castiel who was laying on the bed next to him. John and Dean were out hunting, but they had left Sam alone in the hotel room. Unlike Dean, who had stopped believing in an angel as he got older, and Castiel had stopped visiting as much, Sam was still attracted to Castiel. He knew this was bad, Sam should be friends with other people, other children, but he moved so much, and all he had was his brother. And when Dean left to help dad, well, Castiel was the only one there for Sam. So when John started taking Dean with him on hunting trips, Castiel would stay with Sam, keep him from feeling too lonely, while keeping an angelic "eye" of sorts on Dean and John to make sure he could help them if they ran into trouble. 

"I don't know." Castiel answers. "By tonight I would think." 

The boy nods, standing up. "I'm making a sandwich, you want anything?" Sammy asks, pulling the peanut butter and jelly off the counter of the dinky kitchenette, grabbing the bread as he passed it and piling it on the table. Castiel stands up curiously, coming to peer at the food.

"I suppose I could try one." Castiel eyes the bread that Sam slathers expertly. 

The small boy stares up from the sandwich he was making. "You've never had a PB&J?" 

Castiel shakes his head. "No." 

"Well you've gotta have one." Sammy declares, finishing the first sandwich and moving to the second. "Hey, can you get the milk out?" 

Castiel walks to the mini fridge and reaches behind beer and soda to remove the milk. He pours it into two red solo cups, handing one to Sammy who has two sandwiches held, handing one to Cas as they go back to watch the TV.     

"Go on, try it." Sam tells Castiel, sitting cross-legged on the bed, those bright young eyes fixed on Castiel's face. Castiel gingerly picks up his sandwich and stares at it.

"It's not going to bite, that's your job." Sam laughs, and it makes Castiel more happy then he can explain when he sees Sam laugh and smile, for he acts too old, too serious and sad most times. Though Dean has tried to shield him, grew up so Sam wouldn't have to, his childhood is still gone. He so often looked much older then his nine years. But when Castiel sees him like this, he looks like a child, happy and hopeful. Mary would be proud. 

Castiel obediently takes a bite of his sandwich. He considers the taste, allowing himself to experience it as a whole, and not individual molecules. Perhaps if the other angels looked at humans like whole beings not atoms and molecules, that that they have to take care of, they could learn to understand them better, as Castiel understands the taste of the sandwich.

Sammy is looking at him expectantly. Castiel nods, enjoying the whole taste. "It's very good." 

Sam grins. "Yeah. Dean makes a better one though. You'll have to try one of his." 

Castiel understands that Dean doesn't really make them any different, but Sam feels taken care of. He smiles back. "I shall endeavor to do so."

 

It's Dean who gives Castiel his nickname, one of the few times they interact. Dean is crying, turned away from his sleeping brother. The boy is barley fourteen, he shouldn't have to endure this, shouldn't have to worry about protecting Sammy. Dean's shoulders are shaking, racked with silent sobs. Castiel appears in the room, sensing Dean's hopeless distress and pain. It is the day that Mary Winchester was murdered, and the blood of a demon poured into Sam Winchester's small body. John is not here, off at some bar, drinking himself into oblivion. And Dean is here, with the brother he helped to sleep, and now has to face the dark and the pain alone. Castiel will not let that happen, though he knows Dean hardly believes in him anymore. 

"Dean," Castiel says softly, sitting next to the boy. Dean's head jerks up, and already reaching for the gun under the pillow. When he sees Castiel, and the angel places a hand on Dean's arm, Dean relaxes slightly. 

"What are you doing here?" Dean asks. "I still don't think you even exist, and you're not an angel. They aren't real." Dean says bitterly, wiping his face with his sleeve.

Castiel sighs sadly. "You can believe what you want Dean, you've tried to kill me before and it hasn't done a thing. But what you believe doesn't matter. All that you must believe is there will always be someone there for you and your brother. Even if you don't believe he's real." 

Dean snorts. "That kinda of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?" He eyes Castiel. "It doesn't matter what you are, or if you're real. Go away. I don't need anyone to hold me or whatever bullshit you want to do. I'm not a kid." 

"No, and you never got to be." Castiel says, keeping his hand on Dean's arm despite the boy trying to shrug him off. "You've kept strong for your brother all day, Dean. Take a breath. And let me take care of you." 

"Whatever." Dean mutters, looking down and trying to hold the tears in. He appears to consider Castiel for a moment or two. "You say you know my mother. Real or imagined, tell me about her. Dad never talks about her, except when he's drunk." 

Castiel nods, considering "Her favorite game was cribbage. She was taught how to play by a friend of her father, an old one legged sailor. He was a retired navy man. Mary was wonderful at playing, I used to watch their matches, this small blonde girl and grisly old sailor, betting with match sticks and bubble gum, it was wonderful to see them." 

Dean was smiling now, in spite of himself, and Castiel smiles back. "Dad and Mom used to play crib together. He never taught Sammy or I to play though. He hasn't touched the game since Mom died." 

"Perhaps I can teach you and Sam sometime."  

"You can play?" Dean stares at him. "What else can you play, Uno?" 

Castiel shakes his head. "No, though Sam has been meaning to teach me. I learned to play cribbage watching Mary." 

Dean smiles, and settles back into his pillows. "Thanks, Cas. I'm better now." Castiel smiles back and turns out the light, considering. Cas. He likes it. 

 

Cas realizes the trouble he is in when Sam is sixteen. It starts when Castiel hears Sam's prayer. 

"Hey Cas, can you come down? I- I need to talk to you. Please come if you can." 

Castiel instantly appears, the sound of his wings alerting Sam to his presence. The teen turns, and smiles at him. "Hey, Castiel. You came." 

The angel nods. "I will always come. What is it you need to speak to me about? Are you alright? Where are Dean and your father?" He can feel nothing wrong with his charge but for a slight nervousness. This catches Castiel by surprise, for Sam is always relaxed around Castiel, he usually only shows nerves in front of his father, or while hunting. Castiel cocks his head. "You're nervous, what's wrong?" 

The younger Winchester scruffs his feet on the ground, looking down, causing his floppy hair to fall in his eyes. "They're at a bar, hustling poll or some such. But that's not what I wanted to say. I, um." Sam glances up, meeting Cas' eyes again. "I want to talk to you about something, it's not something I could ever tell Dad, and I want to talk to you about it before I tell Dean. I- I've never told anyone before, and I don't know what you'll think." 

Ah, so it was something he couldn't tell John, something Sam was afraid would make Castiel unhappy with him. That was silly, of course, Castiel will always love Sam, it doesn't matter what happens, he will continue to protect him. Just as he will with Dean, and as he had with Mary. 

"I will not judge you, Sam." Castiel says, walking to the teen and taking his hand, bring Sam to sit with him on the bed. "You can tell me whatever it is, and I promise it will not change how I feel. I will always be here, and talking is one of the guardian angel requirements." He added with a wry smile, squeezing Sam's hand. "Like your own personal therapist."   
   
Sam snorts, squeezing back. "Okay. I just, kinda of figured out that I, that I'm-" Sam blushes, looking down at their entwined fingers. "Not entirely into girls?" The last part comes out rather like a question. Castiel smiles. "Sam, neither my father nor I care anything about sexual oration. It is perfectly fine and part of you. Be proud of that, Sam." He looks at Sam gently, missing the way the teen's eyes linger on him. 

Sam hugs him. "Thanks Cas. That- that really means a lot. I was scared to tell you. I'm still scared to tell Dean." 

The angel strokes Sam's hair. "Your brother will never stop loving you Sam, and he will accept you the way you are." Sam nods into Cas' chest. Something occurs to Castiel. "You said you weren't going to tell your father, why?" 

Sam sits up, so he's not embracing Castiel anymore, though still holding onto his hand. "Dad isn't the kind of guy you tell this stuff to. He's old fashioned, Cas. He wouldn't like it, knowing I like boys and girls." 

Castiel nods. "Well it is your choice and right, but perhaps your father would understand." 

"Maybe." Sam says, but he doesn't sound convinced.

It's later, while they watch TV, that Sam sits up. "Hey, Cas?" His beautiful hazel eyes are big, staring at Castiel. 

Castiel sits up too. "Yes, Sam?" 

Sam glances down again, playing with the sleeve of his shirt, the sleeves are too long and it has too much room in the torso, but it's a tad too short, Sam growing gangly, not quite fitting into his clothes yet. "The- the reason I found out I liked guys too, was-" Sam takes a breath. "I found out because of you." 

Cas tilts his head. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean," Sam sighs. "This is what I mean." And he takes the angel by the back of his neck and presses their lips together. Castiel stills, not sure what to do, his emotions in a tangled mess, not sure what to feel. His charge, the boy he's protecting, has been since before he was born, is kissing him. And Castiel took care of this boy as a child, rocked him to sleep as a baby. He has always had more of a connection to Sam then Dean, had something deeper then he had with Mary. But it wasn't this, was it? But he shouldn't, Sam is young. Castiel is millions of years old, though the human from he took looks somewhere in it's twenties. Sam was sixteen, just getting used to boys along with girls, Castiel would naturally be the first person Sam went to with this. The first male he'd kiss. Kiss. And Castiel shouldn't take advantage. Shouldn't like the feel of Sam's soft lips, should remember everything they shared, shouldn't have gotten so close in the first place. Shouldn't have fallen in love with his charge. 

He can't help but to tilt his face, taking Sam's bottom lip between his own and kissing back for a few seconds, hand in Sam's hair, before he remembers himself, and tears himself away from the teen's warm lips. He stares at Sam. "Sam, what, what are you doing?" 

"Cas, I- I'm sorry. I like you." Sam stares pleadingly at Castiel. 

Castiel shakes his head. "Sam there's so much more out there. So many different people. I don't want you to be tied to me." 

Sam grips Castiel's arm. "I don't want someone else. I want you." 

"You're so young, I don't want to take what you could have had away from you-" 

"Damn it, Cas!" Sam yells standing up. "If you don't want me, just say so. Don't make all these excuses. Don't give me that 'You're too young' bullshit. Just tell me!"

Castiel stands too, reaching out for the boy. "Sam, that's not what I mean-" 

The teen avoids Castiel's hands, stepping back, tears burning hot in his eyes. "It doesn't matter Cas. You don't want me I get it." he turned away, clearly not wanting Castiel to see him cry, though he had seen it a million times. 

"Sam-" Castiel started, but what was he going to say? How could he say he did want Sam, had loved him, always loved him, and somehow fallen in love with him. It wasn't possible, it wasn't right. Angels didn't fall in love with humans. They didn't love humans at all. And Sam was so young, so broken, in spite of all the angel had done. No, Castiel didn't deserve Sam, wasn't worthy, could never be worthy. Castiel would ruin him. Sam needed someone human, who could stay with him, love him and take care of him all the time. Not an angel, who couldn't even grow old with him. What was Castiel to do but let Sam go? He could still watch, still care for him, and Sam could get over what feelings he had for Castiel. They wouldn't last, Castiel just wasn't what Sam could ever truly want or need. And so it was for the first time in Sam Winchester's life, that his guardian angel left him while he cried, whispering only a sad and hopeless "Goodbye, Sam." And was gone when he turned around.

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments like Castiel loves PB&Js


End file.
